1>  Alien Abduction Theory:  People like to believe that Alien Abduction reports only come from lonely rural inbreds that crave attention during the lulls in the TV season.  Not True!  The city is fertile hunting ground for insatiably curious aliens looking for easy prey. 

2>  2 Words-- ìMole Peopleî:  The legendary subterranean mole people of  New York City are dying off due to infertility caused by high voltage power cables buried in the ground by surface dwellers.  What better way could there be to infuse their impotent masses with sturdy breeding stock than to hand pick them from our over-sexed go-go be damned MTV crave-culture. 

3>  Spontaneous Excretory Combustion:  For years, scientist and doctors have theorized that if you mix just the right combinations of DNA (tiny strands of information that form the very building blocks of life), the results would be explosive!  

Dr. Hindlestat explained it best:  ìÜnder Lieban, imagine a tiny atom bomb igniting in your bowels - a tremendous flash of sub-atomic energy and then KA-POOT!! into ze void for you, mien friend!î  

The unsuspecting commuter grabs hold of a strap or post on the train and unknowingly mingles his DNA with the broth of humanity that forms the greasy residue coating the interior of a New York subway car and in a flash spontaneously combust leaving roughly two teaspoons of super-heated crud on the trainís floor.  Hardly anyone takes notice! 

4>  Renegade Cannibalistic Cults in the MTA:  A small cult discovered within the MTA formed by cannibalistic train conductors was supposedly disbanded back in the early 80ís.  The conductors were harshly reprimanded and suspended for two weeks without pay for eating several late night passengers and then displaying their shoes as trophies.  The conductors escaped prosecution by the DA due to a plea bargain that stated ìLate shift train conductors are really, really hard to find! besides, you should see the ones we turned down for the job.î  It was then explained to the Mayor that Late Shift Conductors are subjected to long shifts and rarely get bathroom or food breaks.  ìOnce the boredom sets in, you're likely to try anythingî stated one of the accused trained conductors who was upset over the penalties. 

Could this cult still be in existence and slowly increasing itís bloated numbers on plump New York commuters? 
 

More to follow.....